Issue 6. What's the project you keep putting off because you don't think you're ready yet?
Letter from the Editor
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Dear Collective,
At the time I’m writing this, I have been in Vietnam for four days. And in that time, it’s already been a whirlwind of emotions and epiphanies. Two days ago, I went on a food tour of Hanoi and rode on the back of a scooter throughout the city. And as the warm air flew across my skin as we weaved in and out of traffic, I felt something that I’ve been searching for my entire life—freedom.
I have always understood freedom as a concept. If you were born in America, you were taught that we are a nation that values freedom above all else. And although the land of the free and home of the brave has systemic structural flaws, we understood that our democratic system provided the “best” way of giving its citizens rights that other nations were and are still fighting for today.
But as I’ve discovered through years of therapy, intellectually comprehending something and feeling it in your body are two different things. Two days ago, on the back of Emma’s, my tour guide’s bike, I felt what I’ve been searching for my entire life—the embodiment of freedom. For the first time in my life, I’m doing exactly what I want, when I want, and there’s no deadline imposed as to when that has to stop.
As I sat with this newfound emotion, I realized that the first thing I wanted to do was call my mom and tell her about everything I was discovering about myself only a couple of days into my journey. It was then that I realized that freedom—the feeling of freedom—isn’t complete unless you have someone to share it with. Which brings me to this week’s theme—the project that I keep putting off because I don’t think I’m ready yet is falling in love.
I’ve spent years of my life working towards every single goal of mine except for finding a partner. There have been brief spurts of dating sprees that lead to dejection and disappointment. But now that I’ve done so much internal work, I still find myself shying away from actively putting myself out there romantically. For me, blowing up my life, starting a business, and backpacking around Vietnam is easier for me than learning how to flirt.
But it’s time. It’s time to face my fear of intimacy and let someone in. I think that sometimes the scariest project is facing the fact that you’re in a season of your life where healing needs to take a backseat in favor of having the type of experiences that push you to grow in different ways. The type of experiences that inspire great novels. Now that I’m free—truly free—I can’t wait to experience it all for the first time.
Wide Awake, Now What?
Bethany
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Current Obsessions
Egg Coffee: If you didn’t know, Vietnam has a huge coffee culture. And it’s not just the standard Vietnamese coffee you can procure in America. So far, I’ve tried salted coffee, a banana latte, and my favorite so far—egg coffee. Despite the name sounding less than appetizing, egg coffee is an amazing treat that features a whipped topping on top of a shot of espresso. The whipped topping taste like a sweet custard and balances the bitterness of the coffee perfectly. One egg coffee, and you’re ready to go all day.
Egg Coffee at PingPong Cafe & Decor
Scooters: The traffic laws in Vietnam may exist, but no one follows them in the slightest. It’s not uncommon to see someone swerving into the oncoming traffic lane in order to pass a car. And driving down tight streets and swerving around bikes and pedestrians is passé for the drivers. Families of four will squeeze onto one motorbike to get around. Oh, and no vehicle—scooter, car, bike, bus—will stop for pedestrians ever. You just have to cross the street and let the drivers honk as they go around you. Despite the initial anxiety that it induced in me, riding on the back of a scooter and hanging onto the back for my life, is my favorite part of my journey so far.
Closing and Announcements
As you may have noticed, there wasn’t a “Collective Submission” section this week. I’ve decided to close it for the time being. Rather than a dedicated submission section, I will instead announce a weekly question and ask you all to engage in the comments of the website, TikTok, or simply reply to these emails with your thoughts about the question. Those replies will be featured on the newsletter moving forward.
As this community expands, I want to bring it and other sections like an “Ask Bethany” section to the newsletter. But as I’ve been taught time and time again, I need to slow down. I’m committed to growing this community, and I’ve realized that perhaps I’m asking too much from you all while not giving enough of myself back. I’m so excited for what’s to come for The Wide Awake Collective, and can’t wait to grow with you all. Let me know what you’d like to see moving forward.
-Bethany
