Issue 11. What Dating and Building a Business have in Common

Dear Collective,

This week I crashed out—hard. And it wasn’t even about the business; it was my disorganized attachment issues coming to the surface. But let me back up. While in Da Nang, I have been going on a lot of dates with a few different men, and while initially it was really fun and enjoyable, soon enough my attachment issues surfaced in a real way.

I went on a date last night with a lovely German man, and after the date concluded, I realized that the affection we shared was something I want in my life permanently. And I realized that I was “going with the flow” because I still have a worthiness wound. For me, it’s a feeling of needing to earn men’s love and attention, and it manifests as me lowering my boundaries and subsuming my needs. Because surely if I mold myself into the version of the woman they want, they’ll love me, right?

But I’ve learned over time that it doesn’t work that way. If you keep giving without any boundaries, people will continue to take from you without offering any reciprocation. Does this sound familiar? And I don’t mean in your dating life, I mean in your business. Do you find yourself shrinking yourself and compromising your boundaries in order to do anything to secure clients? Do you find yourself over-delivering and under charging? The same wound that shows up in dating can often show up in business and because it’s not attached to a romantic interest, it can be hard to catch.

I’m not going to pretend to have all the answers; my attachment issues are something I’m still working on. But what I do know is that in dating and in business, we need to build from a place of worthiness. So, I’ll leave you with this, Collective. You are enough. You are experienced enough. You are smart enough. You are talented enough. You, just as you are, are enough.

Wide Awake, Now What?

Bethany

P.S. If your worthiness wounds are getting in the way of your success, I’m building something. It’s called The Founders’ Hub. It’s a preview into what The Founders’ Room will be, and it’s coming very soon. Inside we’ll do coaching sessions where you can bring your questions to me and I’ll answer them in real time. Additionally, we’ll also have accountability club where for a couple of hours, we’ll virtually sit together to work on our businesses. And finally, each month we’ll have a challenge that we’ll all complete together—I can’t wait to see you there.

The Big Swing

Each week I’m doing something I’m calling “The Big Swing.” Every week, I’m going to do something outrageously audacious that either increases my income or furthers my business in some way. The only rule? It has to scare me. This week, I decided that I want to supplement my income by doing some travel writing. So I came up with a story idea—a feature about a local Nepalese restaurant here in Da Nang—and reached out to the owners to see if they’d be interested in working with me on the piece. And they said, yes! If you’re anything like me, you hate asking other people for things, especially strangers. So reaching out felt like a big deal to me. Stay tuned next week for the results of the pitch and follow along on TikTok (@bethanyrosemorris) for more big swings.

Dear Founder

Question: I know my business idea is good, but I keep second-guessing myself before I even start. How do I get out of my own way?

Dear Founder,

First of all, let me commend you for recognizing the problem without me even saying anything. You’ve realized that you’re the only thing stopping you, and that’s important information to know. The second step is to stop overanalyzing or overthinking about what it is that’s stopping you. I want you to get out a journal or a piece of paper and answer this question—If I knew that my business would be wildly successful in the next six months, what would I stop doing now that’s holding me back?

Don’t overthink it, just write down the first thing that comes to mind. Maybe it’s that you would show up more consistently on social media (you might be afraid of being seen). Maybe it’s that you would raise your prices (you might be second-guessing your abilities; this comes from not feeling worthy enough). Maybe it’s that you need to do more networking face-to-face to secure clients (you might be afraid of rejection and taking it too personally). Those are just some examples, whatever your intuition tells you is the reason is your reason.

Now that you’ve identified the problem, here’s what I want you to do. I want you to take a tiny action towards that goal. That’s it, just a small thing—record a video and post it but don’t look at any of the analytics or comments, just post and ghost for now. Don’t raise your prices yet, just look at the numbers if you were to raise them; become more comfortable seeing large amounts of money. Sign up for a networking event in the next month and ask a friend to go with you.

Too often we get in our heads and think we have to do everything at once, you don’t. Small actions over time lead to big victories. Don’t overthink this, you’ve got this.

Bethany

P.S. If you want your question to be featured in the newsletter, feel free to respond with your question or comment or DM me on TikTok (@bethanyrosemorris). See you there!