Issue 12. Feeling Emptiness Means You Did Everything Right

Letter From the Editor

Dear Collective,

I’m writing to you from a rainy day in Da Nang, Vietnam. And I have to tell you, I think the dreariness has affected my mood. All day, I’ve oscillated between crying and beating myself up for having a hard day. Because nothing is really wrong. I’m having a fantastic time in Da Nang. I have community; I have sunshine; I have the beach; I have the business. Despite all of my haves, I still feel that one space in my life has yet to be filled, and that space, that emptiness, is a romantic partnership. That feeling of emptiness isn’t siloed into only romance, though. It can and will show up in other areas of our lives.

So often, we get everything we want from life, or at least everything we think we want from life. I know I did. I had an amazing career in political communications, community, and the respect of my peers. The job I had before I quit four months ago, I would have killed for a couple of years prior. The amazing community that I built over time has truly become my chosen family. And the respect of my peers bolstered my ego in a way that made me stick with that career path longer than I should’ve. So why did I still feel so…empty?

As women who have worked our way up the corporate ladder, or have started our own businesses, or have gained notoriety for ourselves in any way, it’s a humbling thing to get everything you ever wanted and still want more. Oftentimes, we try to ignore that feeling of emptiness because confronting it would mean that somewhere along the way, all of the hard work that we put in, all of the late nights, all of the plans canceled, felt like they were for nothing.

But before we go down an existential hole of despair, let me reframe that for you. If I had not worked at my last job for as long as I had, I wouldn’t have the funds to travel now. If I had not had the relative stability to try and start several other businesses before this community, I would truly be starting from scratch. If I had not hit rock bottom last year, I would have stayed in a life that didn’t fit who I was for even longer than I should have. All of the lessons you’ve learned while building your career, your business, your brand are the reason why you’re where you are now.

Wanting to make a pivot doesn’t change all that you’ve accomplished or the lessons along the way. Wanting to make a pivot shows that you have done the hard work and fulfilled your past selves’ dreams and ambitions. Most people never do that in their entire lifetime. But as ambitious women, we think we have to keep climbing the ladder we set out on, when in fact there’s nowhere to go anymore. That feeling of emptiness that you have doesn’t mean you did anything wrong; it means you did everything right.

So what do you do with the emptiness you feel right now? You let yourself feel it, like I did today, and then you excavate it. There’s an entire new life that’s waiting to be lived; all you have to do is be curious enough to go and get it.

Wide Awake, Now What?

Bethany

P.S. If you’re an ambitious woman on the corporate ladder who feels accomplished but still empty, I’m building something just for you. When you’re ready to pivot, I’ll be there.

The Big Swing

Last week, I reached out to a local Nepalese restaurant for an interview, and they said yes! We scheduled an interview for Monday. When the time came to meet, we had to reschedule because, unfortunately, their dog had to be taken to the vet. While I’m thinking positive thoughts in their direction, I’m not in a rush to follow up on that particular interview. So for now, it’s back to the drawing board as far as travel writing goes. But if you saw the TikTok on Wednesday, you’ll know that this week, I’m taking a big swing by doing some market research for the biggest pivot of this community yet. More on this in next week’s edition of “The Big Swing.”

Dear Founder

Question: How do I find meaning in my career when it’s something I don’t want to do anymore?

Dear Founder,

First of all, I want you to acknowledge that you’ve already done the part that most people are afraid to admit to themselves—no longer finding meaning in their careers. Most people don’t question that lack of meaning because they think that work is supposed to be something you dread. By asking this question, you’ve shown that you are closer to being where you want to be than you think you are.

Let me ask you this—is there anything that you could improve in your role, or improve by creating a new role for yourself in your current position? If the answer to that is ‘yes,’ I want you to follow that impulse. What are you drawn to about the improvements that you want to make? By answering that, you’ll have your guiding light. But if the answer to that question is ‘no,’ it sounds like you need to make a hard pivot into a different career path.

Before you panic, I want you to think of this as a series of experiments. You don’t need to quit today. What you do need to do is start to try a whole bunch of things out. Each week, I want you to try one thing that you’re curious about. It doesn’t have to be related to work; it doesn’t have to make you money. All it has to do is spark curiosity. From there, you’ll start to figure out what the new you likes to do. Be prepared for this to be completely different than the hobbies you enjoyed before. Remember, we’re always changing and evolving—that’s the only constant in life.

Don’t rush the process. Let the new you reveal herself to you. You’ll be surprised by what you find out about her. Once you have established your new identity, the new you will have new goals, new dreams, and new aspirations that she’s going to want to go after. This is the scary part, but I want you to promise me that when the time comes, you’ll jump even if it scares you—especially if it scares you.

Bethany